gelasia_kitty (gelasia_kitty) wrote,
gelasia_kitty
gelasia_kitty

A heated post

I don't know where to start this. I find myself taking deep breaths because I find myself wanting to scream unintelligently at you people. By you people I mean JD's friends.

For the most part you've been great. You support his decisions even though you don't agree with him. Because you respect him as a person and an adult able to make his own choices. But then there are those that come at him with your personal anger and choices. Those are the people I'm going to talk to now.

JD and I had problems. We seperated because of several things. But the highest of those problems are going to be listed and talked about.

If you ask why JD and I seperated, straight to JD's face, he will say this. I was relying too heavily on his finacially and emotionally in a time he needed support himself, and I didn't give him enough sexual attention.

I have become a finacially independant person. I pay for my own apartment, bills, food, and the rest. I have never lived completely on my own before. I've always lived with someone else. Here I'm in my own place with nothing but a cat, and the cat only came the past few months.

I've gotten over my agoraphobia and I travel and make new aquaintences all the time. I can't drive but I live on a bus route. I'm more alive then ever.

I am finacially secure.

The most you saw of me was when I was at JD's place. I was on a lot of sedating medicine, even Sye will admit to that. I was confused and scared and put in a atmosphere that was unlike anything I have ever been in. I withdrew from even myself and hid most the time.

But I've gained more confidance living on my own in my own ordainded enviroment. I'm free to give attention and do not rely on getting attention myself.

And I don't even HAVE to mention the sexual stuff. You remember JD complaining about not getting blowjobs? All I have to say is showers and chocolate syrup.

So whats JD's problem right now? Why is he so upset you wonder. It MUST be me it must because it could never be anything else.

For the most part he is fine. He has become a more confidant and independant person. He makes his own decisions and doesn't let his life be dictated. He is still giving to a fault, but thats because he has a big heart.

But since this started, he's been under constant pressure. Not from me, not from anyone else but you. You say things that frighten him, thinking he will lose you.

Do you even know who I am anymore? Did you even know who I was in the first place? Must you judge on past events that were scewed and distorted past recognation? Prejudice and bias, prejudice and bias.

I don't expect anything of you. I don't expect you to love me, or like me, or even talk to me.

But leave JD the hell alone. He is an adult and let him make his mistakes. Real friends let their friends make decisions, and then if things do go wrong help pick up the pieces.

You have no idea do you. He's smiling non stop here, laughing and enjoying himself. He smiles away from here with a lighter mood. Its not until you confront him and question his judgements and cause him to doubt your loyalty that he starts to get upset.

The only time he's ever been upset is after talking to you. Now the supportive people may know who they are and if they do, credit to you. You were honest, but reassuring.

But last night a conversation took place. The first conversation of the night online. You know who you are. The way you said things, fluffed yourself up to make it look like everyone shared your judgement, and then tried to change the subject without explaining yourself..

That was cruel. What kind of friend are you really? Will you let your own bias hurt someone you care about? You say you are helping, but it was you that left him in tears not me.

He spent all night worrying and upset. He came to me crying several times. He didn't sleep. I had to feed him prescription cough syrup this morning to get him to sleep he was so bad off. He's laying there sleeping now.

So, he's sick, upset, and dead tired. You'll make him sicker you know. If he gets sicker I'm blaming it on you. I don't like you. I hate your actions. If you care for him you'll stop.

Lets think about the past. This is for all of you. I didn't cheat on him. I didn't say anything cruel to him. I had simply said it was time to stop. I didn't feel the spark anymore then. I was frustrated and tired and I needed a time out.

JD's initial response was aggression, which is because of past habit forming. He immediately regretted that and has apologized for that many times. But you took his lead and kept at it. You started attacked and bashing and to this day you haven't stopped. He apologizes for you too. That should make you ashamed.

You pressured him and he hadn't any confidance at the time. If you hadn't started the trend of bashing we would have made up a lot faster. Instead it took over a year to get up the confidance to visit here. And he's still scared.

What are you doing? Why do you do this? He trusts and loves you guys. But I can't help but see subtle manipulation through disapprovals and constant assault. Just shut up and let him do what he wants.

I repeat, he is an adult. If this is a mistake let him make it. And let him be happy while he can. Don't stain his happiness.

Plus we aren't even jumping into dating. We are open, non commital, and waiting until at least the first of august to decide. We've got a lot of bridges to rebuild and trust to rediscover.

Even if I only develop a very close friend out of this, its better than not having JD in my life at all. I care about him. I missed him. He lights up my life like no one ever has. Thats why you love him, he is your centerpiece. He makes you laugh, cry, and want to be with him.

I guess there isn't much more I can say without rehashing things.

Again, to those that support his own decision making even though you may not like the decision, thank you so much. It is because of you that he feels like a person through the strife with friends.

I will do my best to support JD. I hope you do the same.
Tags: delta, hindsight, tired
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