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Expression cats! [Sunday
March 14th, at 6:26pm]
[ mood | artistic ]

A little doodle I did while volunteering at the daycare at church. =3
Click to see bigger!


The Vineyard: A Short story [Thursday
March 11th, at 4:42pm]
The Vineyard: Between Life and Death
A young girl awakens in a mysterious vineyard, her last memory of a car accident. With only forward to go, what will she find? Between life and death, will her memories draw her back?
Read More

Fff what a slow day.. @_@ [Thursday
March 11th, at 4:01pm]
[ mood | groggy ]

Its storming, and raining, and the pressure of the clouds makes me want to stay in bed all day.

Ah well, can't do that, because at some random point in the day we will have relatives arriving. Except they didn't tell us when. And they haven't called, unless this call is them, and if thats them then that would be nice.

My day consisted of checking webcomics, eating a tv dinner, and contemplating playing yoshi's story again. Since I beat it last night, and that was yay. Maybe I'll play monster rancher 3. I'm saving up gold for my next monster.

I watched a scary movie last night, a mature cartoon, a cartoon version of Dante's inferno. It was creepy and very deep, but it was kind of addicting to watch because you wanted to know what would happen.

I know a lot of people are familiar with the book, as thats where the theories of the 9 circles of hell come from. Or was it 7? Thats what I get for watching a movie when I'm half asleep and typing an LJ when the storm is fogging up my head.

It seems that this is in fact my relatives getting here, so I should like, get up and clean my plate from my tv dinner.

Well, I'm just blathering, hope to hear a hello from you.



Second Published Work: A Local event! Please read! [Monday
March 8th, at 12:36pm]
Bike Week, Daytona Beach, 2010: From the Locals' Eyes
When the bikers roll in for bike week, the noise rises and the smiles start, but what are the pros and cons in this popular event?
Read More

Today in Progress [Friday
March 5th, at 3:53pm]
[ mood | Ramble ]

Today I woke up around noon, to harley davidsons. Bike week in daytona can be fun but not real conducive to deep sleep. When my article on the matter gets published I'll be sure to link it here.

Getting ready right away, I then headed out to Gamestop, where I got my Jirachi. I came home, (after stopping at 7-11 for a refill coffee) , only to my pleasure to find out that the pikachu colored pichu release was not only for European players like I had first thought.

So with glee I downloaded that. I spent the rest of the early day finishing my coffee, reading my daily webcomics, posting on Aywas, my favorite pet site, and contemplating a plan for Livejournal.

After finishing my coffee I ate some delicious fish, which was most delicious. Of course my mom complained about it stinking up the house but seriously it is just fish. And otter cannot live without much delicious fish.

Oh! News, kinda. My father got a new flatscreen tv, a very large one, with his tax return, so I'm getting the old living room tv for my bedroom, which will be a lot of fun playing games on.

There is one key flaw: I have nothing to put it on. So on the way home from picking up Jirachi we stopped at took a look at an end table at a thrift store. It looks like it should be just the right size, and about $40 total, well excluding tax.

Getting this end table should relieve me from having to move everything in my room around, and possibly tripping over the table they were going to use, as its very long and would block the doorway.

The bummer is, that my old tv, which I thought to save for getting an apartment with Lynn and Rethy, is going to someone else.

Admittedly I had kind of thought to do this on my own, but was wavering on it. But the decision was taken out of my hands, and I didn't get to look all giving when my dad decided it for me. :| I wanted to be major awesome. Lol.

We are giving it to Pat, my barber. She really deserves it, and the crappy TV she has in there is no good.

I finish this early day livejournal post with a fortune cookie fortune that I got a few days ago and saved because I love it:

"First they ignore you, then they attack you, then you win."

I must ponder what it may mean.



Hi, I exist [Thursday
March 4th, at 11:16pm]
[ mood | lazy ]

I've basically decided that maybe its about time to forget the drama that livejournal gave me practically years ago.

Just because I had some arguements and it dealt some stress doesn't mean I have to avoid a whole site.

So I'm making a post. If I can keep up with it, expect a weekly post.

What is my life consisting of now? Lazy art, reading, watching anime, playing games.

Yea, being disabled is a boring life. You never really get out.

I've become a recluse since I moved to florida, pretty much.

I volunteer at the daycare at church, and enjoy doing it. It gives my life purpose.

I also may be volunteering at the special education sunday school, I'm still deciding on that.

Looking into volunteering at the marine science center.

Gotta keep busy, you know?

I've starting doing this Associated Content thing to bring in some pocket change. I really killed myself monetarily this month so I have to fix it.

But luckily at the beginning of the month I handed my mother $80 to hide from myself till the middle of the month.

This comes in especially handy as I have reserved HeartGold and owe about $10 before I can take it home with me.

Hoping to go out and pick up Jirachi tomorrow. Yey. Legendaries.

Uhm. Probably going to watch anime for a half hour then crash.

So, is anyone out there?


I know I haven't posted in awhile..but have a slideshow. This is where I live now. [Thursday
March 4th, at 10:58pm]
Daytona Beach Sunrise
This is a series of photos of the sun rising in Ponce Inlet, just south of the beach from Daytona.
Read More

A heated post [Wednesday
April 23rd, at 10:07am]
I don't know where to start this. I find myself taking deep breaths because I find myself wanting to scream unintelligently at you people. By you people I mean JD's friends.

For the most part you've been great. You support his decisions even though you don't agree with him. Because you respect him as a person and an adult able to make his own choices. But then there are those that come at him with your personal anger and choices. Those are the people I'm going to talk to now.

JD and I had problems. We seperated because of several things. But the highest of those problems are going to be listed and talked about.

If you ask why JD and I seperated, straight to JD's face, he will say this. I was relying too heavily on his finacially and emotionally in a time he needed support himself, and I didn't give him enough sexual attention.

I have become a finacially independant person. I pay for my own apartment, bills, food, and the rest. I have never lived completely on my own before. I've always lived with someone else. Here I'm in my own place with nothing but a cat, and the cat only came the past few months.

I've gotten over my agoraphobia and I travel and make new aquaintences all the time. I can't drive but I live on a bus route. I'm more alive then ever.

I am finacially secure.

The most you saw of me was when I was at JD's place. I was on a lot of sedating medicine, even Sye will admit to that. I was confused and scared and put in a atmosphere that was unlike anything I have ever been in. I withdrew from even myself and hid most the time.

But I've gained more confidance living on my own in my own ordainded enviroment. I'm free to give attention and do not rely on getting attention myself.

And I don't even HAVE to mention the sexual stuff. You remember JD complaining about not getting blowjobs? All I have to say is showers and chocolate syrup.

So whats JD's problem right now? Why is he so upset you wonder. It MUST be me it must because it could never be anything else.

For the most part he is fine. He has become a more confidant and independant person. He makes his own decisions and doesn't let his life be dictated. He is still giving to a fault, but thats because he has a big heart.

But since this started, he's been under constant pressure. Not from me, not from anyone else but you. You say things that frighten him, thinking he will lose you.

Do you even know who I am anymore? Did you even know who I was in the first place? Must you judge on past events that were scewed and distorted past recognation? Prejudice and bias, prejudice and bias.

I don't expect anything of you. I don't expect you to love me, or like me, or even talk to me.

But leave JD the hell alone. He is an adult and let him make his mistakes. Real friends let their friends make decisions, and then if things do go wrong help pick up the pieces.

You have no idea do you. He's smiling non stop here, laughing and enjoying himself. He smiles away from here with a lighter mood. Its not until you confront him and question his judgements and cause him to doubt your loyalty that he starts to get upset.

The only time he's ever been upset is after talking to you. Now the supportive people may know who they are and if they do, credit to you. You were honest, but reassuring.

But last night a conversation took place. The first conversation of the night online. You know who you are. The way you said things, fluffed yourself up to make it look like everyone shared your judgement, and then tried to change the subject without explaining yourself..

That was cruel. What kind of friend are you really? Will you let your own bias hurt someone you care about? You say you are helping, but it was you that left him in tears not me.

He spent all night worrying and upset. He came to me crying several times. He didn't sleep. I had to feed him prescription cough syrup this morning to get him to sleep he was so bad off. He's laying there sleeping now.

So, he's sick, upset, and dead tired. You'll make him sicker you know. If he gets sicker I'm blaming it on you. I don't like you. I hate your actions. If you care for him you'll stop.

Lets think about the past. This is for all of you. I didn't cheat on him. I didn't say anything cruel to him. I had simply said it was time to stop. I didn't feel the spark anymore then. I was frustrated and tired and I needed a time out.

JD's initial response was aggression, which is because of past habit forming. He immediately regretted that and has apologized for that many times. But you took his lead and kept at it. You started attacked and bashing and to this day you haven't stopped. He apologizes for you too. That should make you ashamed.

You pressured him and he hadn't any confidance at the time. If you hadn't started the trend of bashing we would have made up a lot faster. Instead it took over a year to get up the confidance to visit here. And he's still scared.

What are you doing? Why do you do this? He trusts and loves you guys. But I can't help but see subtle manipulation through disapprovals and constant assault. Just shut up and let him do what he wants.

I repeat, he is an adult. If this is a mistake let him make it. And let him be happy while he can. Don't stain his happiness.

Plus we aren't even jumping into dating. We are open, non commital, and waiting until at least the first of august to decide. We've got a lot of bridges to rebuild and trust to rediscover.

Even if I only develop a very close friend out of this, its better than not having JD in my life at all. I care about him. I missed him. He lights up my life like no one ever has. Thats why you love him, he is your centerpiece. He makes you laugh, cry, and want to be with him.

I guess there isn't much more I can say without rehashing things.

Again, to those that support his own decision making even though you may not like the decision, thank you so much. It is because of you that he feels like a person through the strife with friends.

I will do my best to support JD. I hope you do the same.

Hello Peoples. Do you remember me? [Thursday
May 3rd, at 9:18am]
So yeah, blah. x.x

Harbl. [Tuesday
February 13th, at 11:42pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

I know I'm not the most mature person. I know I have a hard time maintaining anything. Relationships. Jobs. Life. I freak out, start getting sick. I've never, EVER been able to maintain anything ever. Not even hobbies and things I like. Not in the 20 years I've been alive.

JD was the first thing ever I mananged to commit myself to. For over a year. And I thought it was perfect. I thought nothing would go wrong.

I guess I was mistaken. I'm not a healthy. I'm flighty. I get scared. I get scared ALOT. Over stupid crap. So after job and job again failed, I was too scared to go back to it. I started relying on other people. I fell into a depressive slump. The only thing that kept me going was JD.

When JD lost his job, it was a shock to the system. He needed me, I had to keep trying. I started cleaning around the house, looking for places to live, actively working on social security and other welfare. I hated the area, it bothered me to go outside where there were busy intersections and poor crosswalks, and crime. I wanted to move somewhere there was a chance to get a job, in a nice section of a nice town.

Thats why I looked at my sisters place. It was a place I felt safe, closer to my parents. Area wise at least. It was going to be okay, we were going to move in there and everything. There were plans.

Then JD got this hope of a job from this other place, a company that would have kept us where we were. That bothered me, but I was willing to wait to hear back. It did bother me a lot. I was selfishly hoping he wouldn't get it the whole time, even as I was hoping he would for himself.

After I heard from JD that Sye was going to start charging me, I freaked out again. That was really the breaking point. Owing people more money, feeling like I was being manipulated, and no one even asked my opinion, they were just putting it on my tab.

So I left. JD was the -only- thing keeping me there, and sometimes love isn't enough. I wanted him to come, but I needed to space myself. With him fighting his depression, he leaned on me a lot and I felt like I was under stress. It was all selfish really, I made mistakes.

I'm not gonna claim I was always in the right. I know I made a lot of mistakes.

So I moved in with my sisters, started applying for jobs even though I was terrified of it and had no hope. Cleaned up this craphole of an apartment. Dealt with my sisters aggression. Waited for JD.

When JD finally was able to visit me, it seemed like everything was going okay. But he seemed so upset. He was upset at having to lose his stuff, when he moved in with me. I needed him, I had no hestitance in begging him to come. Please.

It was silly stuff, like the drawers he had since childhood, the sofa from his dad. It was furniture he could live without. It wasn't even his video game collection! I didn't think. I said something wrong. "Do you ever feel bad about being so materialistic?" I asked. I apologized straight after. As soon as it came out of my mouth I realized how awful it sounded. But he held onto it and became bitter.

He said he wouldn't have felt so bad about moving in with his mom and losing all his stuff, because if he moved in here it would have been my fault because I requested him here. Or something like that. It was in the passing but I held onto that too.

Later we had a long conversation. Honestly going back and forth, trying to pick each other apart and straighten things up. I said something that upset, him, I don't remember what. He exclaimed something non-descript and then suddenly got quiet. "I have to stop this line of thought." he said.

I knew what he was thinking. It came up time and time again, even after he said he forgiven me several times. Even though I was trying. "You were going to explode at me for having to support me for those 4 months, weren't you?" I said. He admitted to it. I was really upset at this point.

I asked why he was so bitter at this point, because I was really trying hard. He questioned whether I was really trying. He went into extreme detail asking where and when I turned in applications. I told him honestly, and he was suprised that I had done so much. But it wasn't enough.

He said he needed support that I wasn't giving him. I told him that I was trying, thats why I was here. It really was. I felt like I couldn't at the other place. And while my anger at Sye was the straw that broke the camels back, I was going to be here anyhow. He said it wasn't enough. Because the support wasn't actually here yet.

I can't even remember what all happened next. I was extremely upset. I told him that the relationship wouldn't last if he remained bitter at me. That he needed to take a break to see how much I really meant to him. And that I needed a break too. I was starting to doubt my love for him, I was living life here without missing him that much.

Its so easy to forget and blank out when you aren't together. I needed a break too, to see if I really loved him. I was terrified I wasn't going to but I had to.

Or that was the plan. There were a lot of tears and eventually we just caved and started hugging and and decided not to.

The next morning, he woke me up. Told me Abe Lincoln told him in a dream that he had to take a break. I was kind of out of it, being half asleep and all, and agreed. Soon he left to go home, and that seemed to be it for then.

Then what JD posted on his livejournal, days later, the actual breakup occured.

I was already feeling doubtful about the relationship by then. I'll admit it. But when JD started issuing ultamatins, that things started getting skewed. I got defensive. Its easy for me. Its one of those channels ingrown in my mind that slips when I'm not looking.

But I don't think I made the wrong decision. It hurt like hell. I'm going to miss JD like anything. But he kept demanding things of me, being an equal, in such a vague manner like I had no idea how to go about doing it, that I needed to carry him, and I didn't know what to do.

So if I felt like he was trying to change me, he may have been trying to better me, but the fact he was changing me is not wrong. I've been sick all my life, and a lifetime is hard to change, even within years. JD was getting impatient with me. Ask him yourself. Thats why he was so bitter about having to support me. Thats why he started demanding more and more.

It wasn't enough that I stayed by his side, stopping him from hurting himself when he was sick. That I stood in front of scalding water to protect him from himself. That I was started being a good housewife, that it had become my only dream in life.

I have no dreams now. No place to live, no love, and from what I can tell of how people are reacting, none of the friends I had with JD care a damned about me. I cry myself asleep ever night missing him, even though I know what I did was the right thing. .

I have no direction and no motivation to live. I won't even have my cat soon. Sye, Usagi, lots of people, none of them knew the entire story, at least by my point of view, yet they dared to judge.

I've been sick and unhappy my whole life. There was just a little over a year where I wasn't. I'll never forget that. I'll treasure the memories. I'll keep the photos, and I'll remember JD with a smile.

But don't hate me for being imperfect. Don't hate me for not being strong. Please.


JD, don't kill me. [Saturday
February 3rd, at 6:59pm]
Just showing off my new user icon.


*waits for JD's response*

Free Hugs for Everyone [Monday
January 29th, at 10:03pm]

OMG o_o Poor kitty [Friday
January 26th, at 12:19am]

I think number 3 is more likely. [Tuesday
December 5th, at 6:28pm]
Your results:
You are Kaylee Frye (Ship Mechanic)
Kaylee Frye (Ship Mechanic)
Dr. Simon Tam (Ship Medic)
River (Stowaway)
Zoe Washburne (Second-in-command)
Wash (Ship Pilot)
Malcolm Reynolds (Captain)
Derrial Book (Shepherd)
A Reaver (Cannibal)
Inara Serra (Companion)
Jayne Cobb (Mercenary)
You are good at fixing things.
You are usually cheerful.
You appreciate being treated
with delicacy and specialness.

Click here to take the "Which Serenity character am I?" quiz...


And stuff [Friday
December 1st, at 12:40pm]


For those of you that don't know. [Thursday
November 30th, at 7:47pm]
[ mood | joyful ]

Most of you know JD, my bf, and know thru his livejournal whats happening. For those who don't, I'm sorry I haven't posted for awhile. I've been sick and out of it on pain medicine. Good news though! JD proposed to me on our year anniversary! We're getting married!

Well thats my comment for the month. Love you all! Take care!


And now, shameless advertising! [Wednesday
October 11th, at 4:43am]
[ mood | devious ]

Virtual Pets | Games


For Nebloof [Wednesday
September 27th, at 3:34pm]
[ mood | tired ]



Chili Recipe [Wednesday
September 20th, at 9:05am]
[ mood | amused ]

Now I'm basing this chili recipe off of JD's mothers recipe, and then taking her ingredients and finding substitutes, so most of the idea belongs to her.

What I used was - And this serves 2 people, so feel free to use more to serve more

A can of tomato soup.
A can of black beans.
Italian seasoning mix to desired flavor
Hot sauce to desired flavor (buffalo wing hot sauce)
Italian dressing to flavor (cuz his moms recipe uses vinegar and that was the closest I could find.)
1lb roll of ground turkey meat.
Onion powder to flavor.

Mix the can of soup, beans, italian seasoning, hot sauce, and dressing up in a big pot, and set it to cook on about 5-6. Mix it up good! But not so much the beans smash or anything.

For frozen turkey meat, defrost in microwave using default defrost settings, drain the meat of blood and stuff, grind up and cook in a pan, slowly adding onion powder. After cooking till its brown, drain the meat in a strainer, and add it to the already warm sauce/soup/bean mix. Add a little hot water if you need it thinner.

Ta-da! Chili!

Things to have on the side if you so desire? Cracker, shredded cheese, sour cream. Whatever you want.

I hope you like your chili. =3


Oh btw. [Tuesday
September 19th, at 4:00pm]
[ mood | hungry ]

I made this really awesome pot of chili with just stuff we have laying around the house. Does anyone want the recipe?


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